What is life without love?
Updated: May 3, 2020
Dear no one... Probably nobody will read this dramatic and somehow cheesy post but hey, I will give it a try. Do you ever feel like you are alone in this world no matter what? Sometimes it really hurts...the whole idea of wanting to be loved, someone's special...how stupid! Aren't we all, human beings, stupid? We are always expecting something. We say we offer without wanting anything in return but that's simply a lie. We always want something in return. When we love with all of our heart, we hope that person would love us back. Some people are lucky, I guess. Some people get to be loved, get to feel like they are someone's special person... I think I am not one of those special people, I have never been and I have a feeling that I will never be... I've got to say, my gut is rarely wrong and when it comes to this, I am not sensing any confusing vibe...it's all crystal clear! Lucky people, sometimes I envy them...being loved, it's like a fairytale! Sometimes I wonder what I do wrong, why can't I have this too? I mean, my career comes first, always, but would it hurt to experience this at least once? I am 20 and I just feel like life is passing by and I am not living it, I must be doing something utterly wrong but this is not a school and there is nobody there to tell me how to fix my mistakes. Maybe one day I will figure it out by myself and hopefully not when it's too late. I am sorry life but I am done being your bitch! I am already unhappy, feels like everything is falling apart and my chest is heavy and I cannot breathe. I have to fake every single day that I am okay, I have nothing to show, I just feel empty and I think people can see that too. I used to be fun, talkative...I used to laugh a lot, be creative, motivated, driven by my passion. What is happening now? Is my passion consuming me? My life is shallow and so am I.
Maybe I am trying too hard or maybe I've just stopped trying. I don't know anymore.
Life is hard and constantly being alone is harder.