Hope you are keeping well! I will just start by saying happy 2022 to everyone! On the first day of this new year, all my recent articles reached over 5,000 views! This is absolutely insane and mind-blowing! Thank you all for always supporting me, taking your time to read my long articles and for being part of this wonderful community!
I know it’s been a while since my last article…
I was planning to write and post a week ago but some things happened and I was too annoyed. I have a rule that I never write when I’m upset, annoyed, angry, or sad.
I know this blog is about my life but I prefer to write when my head is clear, so I can be more objective.
Anyway, long story time!!!
So, I don’t have any decent relatives! It’s quite embarrassing honestly because these people are worse than enemies. My mom is the youngest of four siblings, she’s also the one who had it the hardest in life in order to get where she is now. She got married at 19, had several hospital treatments until 25 in order to conceive me (I doubt IVF was a thing back then, especially in my home country; I don’t have a better term for what they did in the hospital but she was on that treatment during the pregnancy as well, otherwise she would have had a miscarriage).
She chose the worst man to have a child with, he wanted a son so even after I was born he bought a blue stroller and things that were mostly for boys. Both him and his mother were mentally abusive, they made my mom work on building a house even when she was pregnant and despite knowing that it was a high risk pregnancy. He was ‘studying’ to become a policeman in another city, where he was actually cheating. I was nine months old when my mother found out, she packed her bags and left with me. She returned to her parents house and they tried to help her by looking after me when she was at work.
I come from a very poor background, my mom has struggled so much to offer me a decent life. Despite everything, I always had food on the table, clothes and a roof over my head. When I turned 6, my mom decided to take me with her to Italy and work there. Two of her siblings were there, they offered to give us shelter until my mom found work. They forgot to mention how they would treat my mom and me though…
My mom’s sister was basically expecting her to be her servant, cook, contribute with food and money too, just because she didn’t ask for rent. It didn’t last long, she was yelling a lot and my mom eventually decided to try to be with her brother. This is where the fun begins.
He and his ex wife were the worst! She hated me for being smarter than her son. They were already in Italy for about three years when we moved there, he was still struggling with school and learning Italian, while I immediately got the hang of it and I learned Italian so fast. They gave us the smallest room with a kid’s bed. Two people wouldn’t fit in it so my mom was mostly sleeping on the floor. She was working two jobs, while cleaning their house and cooking as well. This woman told her friends that my mom could clean their houses for free.
They used to hire a woman as a nanny because my mom was working too, but my aunt locked me in the room so I won’t ‘bother’ my cousin when he was doing homework. We were in the same class. My cousin used to lie a lot that I did something to him and she used to yell at me so badly, and then have a sweet voice when my mom was around. Unfortunately, two jobs day and night, I didn’t get to see my mom much. I was scared of the dark so my aunt would lock me in the room with no lights on purpose, the switcher was outside of the room so I couldn’t do anything.
I used to cry myself to sleep, I was only 7 at the time. I quickly got used to the darkness and as a result of constantly being punished by her just for existing, even today, I still prefer absolute darkness.
I eventually told my mom that this is happening all the time and my aunt even broke my piggy bank which was full of cents and perhaps 5 euro.
My uncle was a truck driver, and once he took me, my mom and his son back to our home country to visit my grandparents. It took us two days to arrive, I was on something similar to a back seat with my cousin and he was laying down to sleep, even on my legs and I wasn’t allowed to. He even told my mom to wake me up when I was falling asleep and moving a bit, so I won’t disturb my cousin…
He is just as bad as his ex wife. When I told my mom everything that kept happening, she confronted both of them and they kicked us out. We took a bus and returned to where we used to live before. One of the women she used to work for decided to allow us to stay. My mom became a carer for ill people and she used to take me there as well when nobody could look after me. After a while she stopped, I was spending a lot to time alone before the age of 9 so she wouldn’t constantly have to worry about me.
I changed three schools and aced all of them while studying in Italian.
Apparently this made my relatives really despise me for some reason.
My grandpa died in 2007, and my grandma was really sick so my mom decided that we should return home to look after her. Our life in Italy was finally starting to be decent, my mom had a more stable job, I was finally in a school for a longer period…
Perhaps life would have been different if we stayed.
We left everything behind and started from scratch again. Back in the countryside, where we didn’t even have running water, a bathroom or heating (we had a fireplace to warm the house).
My mom used all the savings to remodel the house, built a bathroom, we finally had hot water without having to warm it up ourselves on a stove, she even built a proper kitchen with a sink. She did everything!
For some people, these are basic things. For me, I didn’t even have the luxury of having these basic things until I was almost a teenager, so I appreciate things differently because I know where I come from. I don’t take things for granted…
For me it really wasn’t easy to change so many schools. If I count high school as well, I went to six different schools in total before the age of 18, still top of my class all the time.
Anyway, with the countryside house remodelled, my relatives became even more jealous of my mom. Despite their crappy behaviour, my mom never turned her back on them, on the contrary. She always called them to check on them, she always offered them a place to stay, food, beverages, everything. They just took advantage of her kindness.
When my mom first bought and finished decorating our city house, guess who inaugurated it? My crappy uncle, his ex-wife and my cousin. They stayed there for free for over a month. His ex-wife used to body shame me a lot. The woman was obese and could barely move but she was telling me that I’m fat and all the workouts that I do aren’t really showing. I told her that I work out to be strong, not skinny, and she told me that nobody likes a girl with muscles.
You see, I don’t get people like this. Why try to bully me when you can barely move? Some people have no shame. These comments were always towards me, never towards my other cousins. I was actually skinny at the time, yet she still tried to make me feel bad about myself. The way she was looking at me when my mom was telling her that I’m hard working, I’m top of my class and I’m also into sports. She looked like she was on fire.
Let’s fast forward to five years ago. Turns out my uncle was constantly cheating on her, they broke up, lost the house and their jobs. They lost everything they used to be proud of.
I call this karma.
My uncle came again and stayed at our place for a month. My mom has a strict no smoking inside the house rule because we aren’t smokers. He didn’t give a fuck, when she wasn’t home, he was still trying to smoke inside. So many things just to disrespect our house. He needed a place to stay and my mom didn’t say no, yet he kicked us out when I was just a child and he was mistreating my mom.
His downfall has started then, now it’s way worse.
He kept disrespecting my mom until recently.
In my home country, like in many others, it’s a custom that when you go to someone’s house, you bring a small attention, especially if they have kids. So, even buying a chocolate for someone is enough, when you expect the person to serve you with food and drinks (when you come unannounced). Well, he always came empty handed and started expecting my mom to give him food, alcohol to take home, etc. Of course he also started lying that my mom didn’t let him come in and he was trying to bring her gifts but she never opened the door.
Literally lies over lies.
My mom used to video call me and cry on the phone for an hour over this stuff. I told her it’s time to completely cut him off… She didn’t listen.
He’s completely broke, he has nothing on his name, he’s full of debts, and he is nothing but the shadow of who he used to be.
He’s a suspect in an investigation. There was an explosion and his own son suffered third degree burns on his whole body, he was in an induced coma for two months and the doctors didn’t know if he could make it. It’s honestly a miracle he’s still alive and he’s recovering quite well, even his burns healed pretty much.
My mom was praying so much for him and when he woke up, the first person he asked to talk with was her.
My uncle didn’t even stay in Italy with him, he didn’t try to check on him when he woke up, now his own son doesn’t talk to him anymore.
Anyway, I know I’m talking a lot now but it’s necessary in order to understand the whole story.
A week ago, he was messaging my mom calling her names and all. I woke up and found my mom crying. I became so annoyed that I decided to write a long message for him. I was polite, didn’t use any insults and I told him that from now on he’s completely done with this family and he can’t keep abusing my mom’s kindness and treat her like this. I blocked him on my phone and my mom’s phone.
Apparently my message really hurt his ego.
He used his girlfriend’s phone and account to sent me the worst kind of messages. He wasn’t capable of writing correctly neither in Romanian nor Italian. I don’t want to write here what he told me but it was extremely offensive. Some words were so bad that I can’t even translate them in English. He cursed me, and my mom and his own deceased parents. What type of fucked up person does this?
He should learn his lesson, whenever you wish someone something bad, the Universe makes sure it happens to you.
I didn’t want to upset my mom and show her the messages, I only told her that we are going to the police and I will report him, she still read them later.
He also sent the same messages that were for me to my step dad to make sure that they are seen by someone.
The next day I went to the police and declared what happened and showed all the messages. He was called in and he was given a warning.
Unfortunately I can’t get a restraining order against him unless he physically comes to our house. However, he did threaten to destroy me and my whole family.
My mom can literally sue him because he’s in breach of contract with some family properties, she’s just too kind.
People like him deserve what they get.
The Universe will always remember the good deeds but also the misdeeds, and he has a long list of misdeeds.
If you think that I’m upset over this, I’m not. I’ve stopped considering them relatives many years ago but I still had to tolerate them for my mom. Now this is over, even my mom is done with him.
I didn’t even flinch when I went to the police and you know why? I’ve been bullied, threatened, humiliated and more in the U.K., yet I didn’t go to the police because I was scared. I could have sued my former companies for what they did but I didn’t. I was too scared and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to lose my job and be forced to return home.
I’m not scared anymore, I’m not scared of anyone and anything.
I’ve been through so much, alone and broke in another country for almost 4 years now. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and nothing and nobody can ever intimidate me again.
I’m done hiding, I’m done keeping my mouth shut because of fear, I’m done being that nice girl that everyone takes advantage of.
I won’t just put a smile on my face and be sweet to everyone, especially to people that try to body shame me, mock me and offend me.
I used to hate eye contact and now I can keep it for as long as I want. I look unapproachable, arrogant and intimidating when I’m not smiling. I’ve been told that so many times. But guess what? I don’t care anymore. It is not my job to make people feel better about themselves. It’s not my fault if someone finds me intimidating. I treat everyone respectfully, and I will always do this.
My motto in life is: Do no harm. I stand by this!
However, this doesn’t mean that people can keep disrespecting me. That’s not acceptable!
I’m done making myself small for others, I’m done allowing crappy behaviours and people in my life.
I will protect my energy, my mental and physical health at all costs. I will get where I want in life. It doesn’t matter that I’m not there yet, it doesn’t matter that I’m not done with my studies yet, I will still get there.
I trust my path and I trust myself. I’ve grown so much as a person and I’ve changed. I’m breaking all the limiting beliefs, I’m healing from things that I talked about and things that I still don’t find it easy to write about.
I’m not settling for a life, I’m a creating my dream life. It will always be full of ups and downs, but those downs are just lessons.
I’ve lost parts of me that I will never recover. The girl I used to be is nowhere to be found today, I can never bring her back to life.
I stopped asking myself: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ and now I ask myself: ‘What is this teaching me?’
You need to change the narrative!
I am here to remind you that you are stronger than you think! Don’t settle for less because you deserve so much better!
If you have a similar history with your family and relatives, remember that you can always walk away, even if you think that you can’t. It’s truly not worth it to accept such things.
You are not alone and you will always get through everything. I want you to know that I am always here for you. I know messages aren’t available unfortunately, but you can always send me an email if you feel the need to talk to someone. This is a safe space! We are here to empower each other!
I discovered this song few days ago and I love it: https://youtu.be/OlTlLHyMJ2M
I hope you enjoy it at well. Don't forget to try to dance if you can.