How are you today? How are you feeling?
This is an update on my weight loss journey.
I was struggling to write about something else, I am still not over it but it’s just so hard…
Don’t worry, I will finish that article too because I need to heal, I need to learn how to let it go…
Anyway, remember that I wrote about my desire to lose some weight?
Well, I gained weight for a few reasons, I am not proud of them but I am finally accepting that you can’t control everything that happens in your life.
1) Aviation changed my life, kinda took my life. I know it sounds dramatic but I am being honest here. I had to create a whole new person just for work because, apparently, being myself wasn't good enough. I had no time for myself, I was constantly tired, having headaches, swollen legs that would be like that even when I wasn’t flying and a lot more.
2) Nervous Bulimia: have you ever heard of it? Have you ever dealt with it? My eating disorder has been present in my life for years, it’s started around the age of 13 but let’s say I could manage it for some time until I couldn’t anymore and it hit me in the worst way possible.
3) Depression and anxiety: back in 2018, after moving alone to the U.K. I have started having anxiety attacks (mostly because of bullying and I was afraid to lose my job) and taking anxiety pills to keep, at least, my palpitations under control. I think it was a placebo effect because those pills were plant-based, not a prescription from any doctor.
4) My knee(s) problems are getting worse. Apparently I inherited it, I have started having the symptoms when I was 7 years old. I had 3 MRI scans in my country, hyaluronic acid injections twice and obviously medication for a few years. My former doctor told me that I might have osteoarthritis, she wasn’t sure about it though because I was very young and already displaying bad symptoms, she said I need further investigation but I have to go to the capital and pay for everything because nothing was covered (I was already paying for everything, even when I was under 18 and health care is supposed to be free) and, the worst part, she told me that I have to stop working out because if something happens, it’s on me for being irresponsible. I was used to a lot of physical activity, I was fit and strong and then boom, I had to stop. I was very sad and although I was trying to keep having the same healthy diet, I was slowly gaining weight.
That was the beginning of my downfall. I was becoming frustrated, sad, unhappy and I was isolating myself. Long story short, 2 years later, I wasn’t myself anymore. I know how it sounds like but no, I didn’t become overweight but it was visible that I gained some weight, I was and felt out of shape. My mom was there to remind me all the bloody time that ‘I don’t look good anymore’, ‘my booty and thighs are becoming too big’, ‘my boobs are getting a lot bigger because I am gaining weight’.
The crazy part is that I was learning how to keep my eating disorder and anxiety under control, how to stop obsessing over the scale, food, my body. I was feeling a bit confident but I had too many reminders from people that couldn’t mind their own business and it really hurt to hear such harsh comments.
Anyway, in March I decided to try the ketogenic diet. I was on it for 3 months and I lost almost 9 kg but it stopped working for me, I wasn't losing weight anymore, I was annoyed because I was doing it properly, tracking my macros, staying under my daily calorie intake, etc so now I just switched to low carb and intermittent fasting and I can see results again! I was getting a bit fed up with the same foods although I was trying to eat as diverse as possible.
Since January until now, I have lost around 12 kg, yuhu! I lose weight slowly but you know, slowly but surely!
I will continue to lose some weight, not to please my mom or someone else but I need to remove the weight that I gained because I was so lost and unhappy. I feel confident now but it's not because of the scale, It's because I am finally starting to love myself and see my worth!
I could say that those 12 kg aren’t so visible, honestly. I have a lot of muscle mass, I have always had and I monitor it with a smart scale.
It feels great to get your life back. I am learning every day what it takes to make my body happy.
I am excited about becoming a Personal Trainer so I could help someone else too.
I am currently waiting to be seen by a doctor in the U.K. because I need knee injections as soon as possible, a new MRI and possibly a knee replacement surgery in the future. I can’t fix my illness in other ways and I have come to terms with this idea. I do feel hopeful for the future.
I am grateful that I can still workout although I am in pain and I struggle but using knee support helps a lot and my form is definitely improving!
I won’t let my problems influence and determine my life!
I am proud of myself and I am hella proud of all my hard work and efforts!
I want you to remember that:
->your weight doesn't determine your worth!
->everyBody is beautiful!
->you deserve all the best!
->I am proud of you!
Take care of yourself!