Updated: Apr 7, 2022
I am still alive, and I haven’t forgotten about my amazing blog and community.
I know it's been more than two weeks, but the last article barely got 750 views, which is more than 200 views less than usual. This is again the third day of trying to post this because it's not working! I was always looking forward to writing, but now I feel so demotivated. I spend time trying to write something, post it and then boom, not freaking working! I paid for the premium version of this Wix nonsense!
I am not even getting messages here, and I really missed replying to you. Feels very lonely when I don’t get to connect with people on this platform... I haven’t found a replacement, and right now my mind is all over the place. University has started, I’ve kind of started on the wrong foot because the first class was a mess. The server was down for 75 minutes, I couldn’t log in, but the tutor created a separate link. Only a few people could access it, now I’ll have to recover that time next week but, on Monday, I did manage to engage and answer a few questions. All my colleagues are older than me, like my mom’s age, and they all had to deal with different aspects of law due to work. It’s a bit hard for me to keep up, but I’m trying my best do to my research and be prepared.
Bad news, Student Finance messed up my application (again), and they have delayed it so much that now, the university is sending me emails saying that I have 7 days to fix this problem. Tomorrow I am calling my university and Student Finance, it is not my fault that they can't do their job properly!
I had my first physiotherapy session, I’ve been assessed more or less, and I’ve been told that without surgery, it might take 1-2 years to actually see a big improvement. Again, surgery isn’t exactly up to me, my next appointment with the specialist (and the surgeon) is in six months...
Everything is just a blur! I have hope, but why can’t anything be a bit easier for me? Why do I always have to work so much for a bit of happiness or just to feel less pain? It’s frustrating!
I have been feeling down, literally, almost every day! I am struggling to sleep, I barely get 5 hours per night and my body feels hyperactive while my mind is exhausted.
Do you ever feel like you are simply doing things wrong?
It’s crazy how I can just move to another country and then keep changing cities and jobs, and yet I can’t seem to be able to make friends.
A few days ago I met another girl, seemed like a good day, but I think I talked too much. My anxiety makes me act like this because I am trying to overcompensate for the other person's silence…
Everything appeared to be fine, but when I got home, I just burst into tears. I feel like I cannot do this, I am really not capable of making new friends.
I felt broken, it hurt when my tears were rolling down my cheeks…
I wish I had some better news, but let’s be honest, life is made of ups and downs, and I am simply struggling right now.
If I can’t even make friends, I definitely cannot date. I got Bumble, I say that maybe I will just try to go out, and then I refuse. Who could ever possibly understand me? Maybe I am just trying to rush things, as I want at least to meet guys if dating doesn’t seem to be an option at the moment.
It’s so hard to feel anything, I don’t get excited about things, although I am trying!
I cannot even daydream about someone close to me, looking into my eyes or holding my hand. Romance might not be dead for everyone, but it seems to be dead for me.
Sorry to disappoint, but I won't be able to write any love stories for now, but please don't give up on me...
I've also just started the laser hair treatment and I had the chance to explore a bit Canary Wharf and damn, amazing! It made me realize how far I've come! I am in bloody London!
Let's be positive. I am working for a better life and one day, all my hard work will pay off!
Love you guys!