Whatever you are going through right now, I hope you find the strength to remind yourself that feelings are just visitors, observe them and let them go before they start to consume you.
I guess this is just one of those days when things don’t really make sense.
I know my heart is healing and I am not thinking about him anymore. I don’t feel sad anymore.
Sure, his name still echoes through my mind from time to time, but it’s been five months since he left and I guess I am fine with that but today is one of those days when I feel so alone and maybe I am just craving to feel appreciated, wanted, loved… I wouldn’t have these problems if I had a pet now…
Maybe I just feel nostalgic because my birthday is soon and every damn year I cry. I have no idea why but I feel a void inside of me so this is how my body responds and it hurts. I guess change hurts, the fact that you know there is no way to go back in time and that today will become just a memory and it will soon start to fade away. I am not making any sense. I fear that I am not living my life and I am only a spectator. I just feel like something is missing. My sanity perhaps?
With every new year I feel like I am losing a part of who I am, or better said, a part of who I used to be so one day, I will truly be another person. Writing this makes me realise that, perhaps, this is the explanation that I was looking for whenever I had to ask myself why I feel incomplete…
Honestly, I don’t know if I am losing or actually finding myself.
Earlier I felt the need to burst into tears but I couldn’t…it’s like an emotional blockage.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by so many emotions and you want to let them consume you once and for all and maybe afterwards you could finally be okay?
Some days you feel like you are doing great and other days, you just have to take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember that it’s perfectly okay if you feel vulnerable and tired. You can’t keep your guard up all the time.
These are the kind of confusing and raw feelings that I don’t normally share with anyone because it hits you quite hard when you have so many things to talk about but no one to talk to, no one that could just listen and understand.
This is a reminder that healing isn’t a straight path and you have to learn to embrace it with its ups and downs and remember to celebrate your small victories, especially those that others can’t see.
You will feel better and I promise that your heart won’t be so heavy anymore.
It’s okay if today isn’t your day. Sometimes you have to slow down and let your mind rest, don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
Tomorrow is a new day!